The Worst Question EVER

Hi Scott,

My adult son posed a hypothetical question the other day: what happens if someone dies and they have a huge gambling debt? Sadly this is the reality for many young men today. Is the debt something that needs to be paid out of the deceased person’s will? We are fortunate to not have this situation but he knows young men with babies who do! Thank you. We all love your books and columns and value your advice so much!

Sharron

Sharron,

Stop what you’re doing right now and go and find your son.

When the two of you are alone, I want you to ask him the following question without flinching:

“Have you ever thought about killing yourself?”

Don’t fill in the silence. Let him answer. Maintain eye contact.

The best case scenario is that I have completely overreacted, and everything is totally fine.

The worst case scenario is too heartbreaking, and too final, to walk back from. 

Don’t mess around with hypothetical questions like this – treat it as a warning signal.

I’ve spoken to enough heartbroken parents who would give anything to have that awkward three-minute conversation.

Whatever he says, let him know that you are there to support him with anything he’s going through.

If he dismisses you, feel free to give him my details, and I will help him, confidentially, and free of charge.

Good luck.

One more thing: 

If you’re reading this and thinking “bloody hell, that’s me” – stop suffering in silence. You don’t have to do this alone. Pick up the phone and call 1800 858 858. The people on the other end of that line have heard it all before. They won’t judge you. And they actually know how to help. It’s free, it’s confidential, and they’re there 24/7. Sometimes the hardest part is just making the call. My advice? Do it anyway.

Scott

The worst question

I woke up at 4:30am and stumbled to the kitchen. 

Through sleepy eyes, I spotted a handwritten note on the fridge from my eldest son: 

"Why are you doing this to me? The pain is unbearable! And for what!?"

He’d just been fitted for braces and was evidently having a hard time breaking up with popcorn.

Now, we live in the country, so I thought we’d get country prices. Wrong. Ten grand. That’s what it cost us. That’s more than I spent on my first three cars combined! And yet they were the same tram tracks that kids had in the 80s, just ten times the ticket price!

Look, I’m no tooth fairy, but it looks simple enough: thirty cents of wire, a few dobs of Supa Glue, and a tiny ratchet they tighten monthly. My fencer could probably do it (though at $150 an hour it’d cost the same anyway).

I was having a bad week.

Yet it was about to get worse.

That morning I received a very serious email about last week’s column. I’d written about MoneyMe, a tadpole lender that looked at a couple spending $92,000 on a wedding and thought, “This is perfect marketing material”. Ribbit! They were so angry they cc’d all my bosses at the newspaper.

BAM! 

They demanded that their branding be taken off social media mentions, and included an itemised list of things they wanted “corrected” for the record.

(Oh for godsakes. I felt like I was in the dentist’s chair. Someone give me some happy gas!)

“We’ll make a couple of tweaks”, said my editor.

“Fair enough”, I said.

“... but there’s nothing to stop me writing about them again this week”, I thought to myself. 

“They’ll love that.”

That night, as my son slurped his soup, he looked as miserable as me. 

Here’s what I told him:

“Mate, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but some pain is actuallly worth it.”

And so is calling out financial products that trap people in unnecessary debt, even if it means angry emails. Because, unlike braces, bad financial decisions don’t come off in two years. They can wire your life shut for a decade.

Tread Your Own Path!

Sorry, But Your Son is a Loser

Hi Scott,

I've had a recent shock after checking my 16-year-old's bank statement. He's been gambling over the last 6 months and had about 9 different betting accounts! I assumed he had stolen his Dad's ID to open them, but when I logged in to close them down, all he had used was our name and date of birth, then his email and phone number – easy as. The reason he had so many accounts was that each new sign-up gets you free bets.

A week later at the bank, I discovered my 18-year-old son had also been gambling. All the money from his birthday two months earlier – over a thousand dollars – was gone. I am so disappointed and upset. I have prided myself on always having the difficult conversations with them about sex and drugs, and we have discussed gambling lots over the years.

Mary

Mary,

This made my blood BOIL.

Do you know what makes this just so utterly outrageous?

The fact that it's so completely normal!

It ain't just your boys, Mary:

One in three kids aged 12–17 are already gambling, according to the Office of Responsible Gambling's 2020 Youth Study.

One in three!

Yet it makes perfect sense when you think about it.

After all, we are a nation of gambling addicts.

Each year we rack up the largest losses in the world, per head.

That doesn't happen by chance.

It requires a society that willingly allows its young people to be groomed by gambling companies.

That's the truth, and it's disgusting.

"Teenage brains are … more sensitive to rewards than potential risks. This helps explain why young people, aged 18 to 29, have the highest rates of gambling problems", says Professor Sally Gainsbury from Sydney University.

Too many young men kill themselves because of their gambling problems.

Anthony Albanese knows this, but he refuses to stand up for them.

Nor do our sporting codes.

In fact, they take their money.  

Yet even though our politicians are weak as piss, the gambling lobby is here to help us Mary.

No, really.

The Australasian Gaming Council (AGC) is pushing for schools to introduce financial literacy programs that educate students about responsible gambling. In fact, they've even produced a guide book for teachers.

Hang on, why would a gambling lobby want this?

Maybe because they see it as a recruitment drive.

"One of the risks of these education programs is that it may introduce gambling as a 'risky' activity to students who may not have otherwise given it much consideration", argues Professor Matthew Rockloff, the head of the Experimental Gambling Lab at Curtin Uni.

In other words, telling young, rebellious, risk-taking boys about a way to take risks could … influence them to take those risks. (Like they see their dads do each weekend. It's almost like a rite of passage, right?)

Now, as you may know, I am obsessed with getting financial education in schools.

Yet if I was going to include a section on gambling in my financial school program it'd look a little different to the gambling lobby's.

Here's how I'd do it:

I'd explain that my program is not funded by gambling companies, so I won't be using the weasel words "responsible gambling". (Seriously, can you imagine if kids were taught at school about "responsible smoking"?)

Instead, I'd use the simple reframe that I use on my own kids: "Gambling is for losers."

Every time my kids are hit with a gambling message, whether it be watching the footy, on the radio, or a YouTube video, I immediately reverse the brainwashing by saying aloud: "Gambling is for losers".

Finally, I'd tell them this truth:

The rich men running these betting companies spend millions of dollars each year manipulating you.

They flood social media feeds, they hijack your favorite sport, they hire actors, comedians, influencers and celebrities, all for one single aim:

To get you to bet.

Why?

Because the more you gamble … the more you lose … and the more money they make.

They're busy building themselves a bigger mansion. And it's paid for by your losses.

So, the most rebellious thing a teenage kid could do is to not bet.

To send a message to these suits to bugger off.

To tell them you know their game is up:

“Gambling is for losers”.

Look, adults betting is their business, but when the gambling industry sets its sights on our kids, all bets are off. 

Of course the gambling industry will argue they’re not targeting kids. 

So why are they on TikTok? 

And who did they have in mind when they created bets like, how many Taylor Swift's new album will be #1 for, who will win Dancing with the Stars, or whether Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner will get engaged (I have no idea who they are, but I hope they find love).

My view?

If any company is caught letting a minor bet, they should be immediately shut down.

Mary, I'm sorry this has happened to your family.

It's time we bet on our kids.

My week from hell

Right now I'm surrounded by more nuts than a fruitcake. 

I have legal letters firing around from a column I wrote last week (more on that next week). 

My daughter just ordered some baby goats (a replacement for the pony), which is going to end badly. 

I have Argentinian backpackers learning to drive my tractor (they keep screaming '¡la concha de la lora!' which ChatGPT translates as 'parrots vagina').

So naturally, this is when my editor rings:

"Did you see the inflation data that just came out? You need to write about interest rates this week … it's the biggest story in business".

Of course it is.

Breathe.

Newsflash: The price of everything is too damned high.

And that means the experts that predicted a Melbourne Cup interest rate cut finished at the back of the pack (again): we won't be getting a rate cut next week. In fact, if prices keep rising, the RBA's next move could be to raise rates.

And if reading that makes you feel queasy, I've got the perfect solution for you.

Grab your phone and go sit on the toilet.

Head to the MoneySmart website, and click on their repayment calculator. Add one percent to your repayments and see what that does to your mortgage. If that number makes your guts drop … well, you're in the right room for it.

Look, I've helped thousands of people stare down their debts, and the key to success is simple:

Set your repayments much higher (say, 10%).

Then, work out how the hell you'll make it happen.

Cut your own hair. Sell the jetski. Deliver pizzas. Whatever it takes.

The key with mortgage stress is simple: Panic early.

Life throws enough curveballs. The families who win are the ones who see the financial threat coming and act before they have to. Don't wait for the RBA to make you scream about parrots, get on that bloody tractor!

Tread Your Own Path!

P.S Only one question this week, but it’s a CORKER!

I’m Teaching My Kids to Gamble

Hi Scott, 

Have you ever been to one of those arcades for kids where you tap your card, play giant-sized games and then get points in exchange for a very ordinary plastic prize at the end? They are outrageously popular. But, with the loud music, flashing lights and constant ‘ka-ching’ noise, I feel like they are just glamorised pokie machines for kids. I’m not going to lie, though, we’ve been and it’s fun!

Jessica

Hi Jessica,

I have four children so, yes, I have been to Crimezone many times.

Years ago their arcades were a drawcard, but in this era of Fortnite and World of Warcraft they’re the gaming equivalent of a flip phone.

Now you’re spot on — it’s basically a casino for kids now. 

But, instead of stumbling out broke with a hangover, parents walk out broke with a plastic whistle and a kid bouncing off the walls on a sugar high. That’s because the games look and sound — and have terrible odds — just like the pokie machines. 

And in that way they are not only teaching kids how to gamble — just like a casino, they’re coating it in a veneer of fun. But losing money isn’t fun. And that’s why the last time we went we bypassed slap trap alley and instead played ten-pin bowling, with the guard rails up!

(Timezone executives: please send your correspondence to complaints@getinline.com)

Scott

Hitting the Jackpot

Hi Barefoot,

My hubby spends all his ‘Splurge’ account on TattsLotto. And not just here and there — his account statements are littered with TattsLotto purchases. I think this is unhealthy but he is using his Splurge for it, which I guess shows a level of control. Am I just worried about nothing or is this something we should take seriously? I don’t want to be financially controlling, but it doesn’t feel right.

Melanie

Hi Melanie,

What a great question! 

Here’s a better one I’d ask him:

What could he spend his Splurge money on that would give him the best bang for his buck?

After all, he’s got a 1-in-140 million chance of winning the jackpot … but if he saved up his money and splurged on  a romantic night away with you (without the kidlets) … well, I’ll leave it up to you to explain his odds of hitting the jackpot.

And while you’re having a nice romantic dinner, you could do a Barefoot Date Night, review your buckets, and plan on doing more things that’ll make you both smile.

We Hit the Jackpot!

Hi Scott,

This month, my husband and I will finally be debt free! We owe nothing (though we also own nothing). My hubby used to have an addiction to gambling and a $120,000 debt on credit cards. We have spent the past five years paying every last cent off, while having three children under five, and I’ve also been studying at uni. My question is: moving forward, how can we make the best decisions to create wealth, and is trading shares just a form of gambling?

Kylie

Hi Kylie,

What a truly amazing all-of-family feat.

The fact that you guys bunkered down and paid off all your debts tells me a lot about the people you really are.

Know this: done right, investing isn’t the same as gambling.

You’re saving so you can provide for your family’s long-term security.

That is the polar opposite of gambling.

My advice?

Invest — but do it via your boring-as-hell low-cost super fund. Do it via a regular, automatic direct debit. Never look at the balance. Only check it once a year when your statement comes in the post.

And keep repeating to yourself: I’m not gambling … I’m providing a better future for my family.

You Got This!

Scott

The Hangover

Hi Scott,

My daughter lives with her partner and three children in a property that I own. They have many bills and are unable to pay rent. Her partner is wasting his money on gambling and will not change — he has even stated that he wants to keep his head in the sand. How do I get him to grow up? I have given him your book and my daughter is trying hard and has since started part-time work. However, they have three car loans and have debt collectors visiting frequently. Help! I feel powerless.

Jenny

Hi Jenny

It must be horrible to see your daughter go through this.

Now I know you’re coming at it from a place of love, but giving her partner my book won’t help one bit.

Why?

Because it sounds like he’s in the grips of a gambling addiction. And, if that’s the case, giving him my book is like giving an alcoholic a Panadol for a hangover.

So, what can you do?

A couple of things:

First, as hard as this sounds, drop the judgement.

I’ve learnt to view people with gambling addictions the same way I view anyone with a serious illness.

“When will you grow up?!” is like asking someone with a mental illness “When will you be happy?!”

Him telling you that he “wants to keep his head in the sand” sounds like a reaction to feeling judged.

Trust me, he knows how bad it is.

Second, encourage both him and your daughter to see a financial counsellor. Ideally, it would be a specialist gambling financial counsellor (call Gamblers Help on 1800 858 858 for a referral).

However, if he’s not ready to get help, encourage your daughter to go on her own. Reason being, the debt collectors will not let up, but a financial counsellor will sort them out and stop the calls.

Finally, you’re doing an amazing job providing them with a roof over their head. Make sure they keep getting the basics: food, power and schoolbooks.

You say you feel powerless. Just remember, that’s probably how your son-in-law feels too.

Scott

The Gambler

Hi Scott,

My situation is complicated and I need your advice. I am in my early 40s and have been with my fiancé for seven years. We do not live together but have bought a block of land (in his name) and are building a house (in his name), and will move into this house together. I have contributed money to this, but my issue is that he has a gambling addiction that he is in denial about, and he lies and deceives me. He believes that it is his money and that I should not say anything. I am fearful I will lose everything.

Hayley

Hi Hayley,

Yes, your situation is complicated, but it has a simple -- though brutal -- answer: don’t marry an addicted gambler.

Your fiancé has a long road ahead of him, but he hasn’t even taken the first step -- admitting his problem. The alarm bells should be ringing in your head: he deceives you, and he believes your money is his, and you have no say over anything. It’s highly likely he’ll gamble the lot.

If I were in your shoes I’d do three things. First, lovingly and supportively explain to your fiancé that he needs to get help with his addiction -- or you’re leaving. Second, sit down with a financial counsellor (1800 007 007) and get their help in removing your name from any joint accounts you may have with him. Third, talk to a solicitor and see if there’s an option for getting a financial settlement … before he blows the lot.

Scott